Jeanne Dorr

The Same, But Yet So Different

Jeanne Dorr is a member of th Board of Directors of Lithuanian Orphan Care, a branch of the Human Services Council of the Lithuanian-American Community, Inc. She is also a social studies teacher in New Jersey.

It’s hard to believe that another summer is over and our thoughts now turn to fall and winter. I was fortunate to have spent the summer in Lithuania, and I hope you will join me on my many journeys. We’ll travel the entire country together while we share some hilarious moments and shed more than a few tears. Everything and everyone cooperated, except the weather. It was cold and rained almost every day. Oh well, you can’t have it all.

Jurgita N. and her grandmother.

I visited many of our children, interviewed a partisan fighter, spent an evening with some of the widows whose husbands were murdered at the Medininkai checkpoint in 1991, and enjoyed an afternoon of camp life with Operation Snowball. I spent time at several hospitals and group homes and visited a printing press that was hidden underground for ten years. I also have some very special “surprise” interviews to share with you. As always, the focus will be on the children and the elderly: the two groups who are struggling the most. I hope you will accompany me all over Lithuania, so check your Bridges subscription expiration date; I wouldn’t want you to miss a single issue, and let’s get going.

During the past two years I have written about two young ladies who share the same name – Jurgita. They have both become favorites, and I think you will understand why. I met Jurgita N. more than six years ago and Jurgita K. about four years later. Each girl has had an impact on my life as well as the lives of their sponsors.

They are so much alike: they have the same name, both live on farms, neither has a telephone. Grandmothers who are trying to hold together their families on less than $75 a month are raising them. Jurgita N.’s mother is dead and her father is unable to raise her; while Jurgita K.’s father is dead and her mother has chosen not to raise her. They are almost identical in age. They have sponsors who care for them very deeply. Both have smiles that seem to radiate directly from the sun. And both love their grandmothers with a fierce and powerful love.

But there are astounding differences. Jurgita N. has never spent a day in school, while Jurgita K. entered Vilnius University this fall. Jurgita N. is unable to write her name, while Jurgita K. is a prolific writer. One is small and blonde, and the other is tall and dark. Jurgita N. cannot be left alone for very long, while Jurgita K. walked many kilometers in the morning darkness to school. Jurgita’s N.’s sponsor has never heard from her while Jurgita K.’s sponsor waits eagerly for her letters.

Jurgita K. and her grandmother.

Please allow me to share my wonderful memories of my visits with both girls. Although Jurgita N. is over eighteen, her sponsor has continued to support her. He doesn’t hear from her because she can’t write, and I really don’t think her grandmother is able to write. After I return from my trips I fill him in on my visit to Jurgita and her grandmother. He always sends me something “extra” to take to them. I have the grandmother sign her name and the amount of money she received on a piece of paper, and then I give it to her sponsor.

Once again, Jonas Svoba, editor of Valstiečių laikraštis, the newspaper which sponsors Countryside Children’s Fund, drove me to Jurgita’s house. The weather was -- what else but -- raining and cold. It seems the older I get, the longer this trip takes. I keep hoping against hope that these village roads will be paved, but I guess that isn’t to be. Oh well, who needs a smooth ride in the pouring rain. We went through mud that was so thick we got stuck when we tried to back up. Most of the time was spent in pleasant conversation with Jonas. Both he and his wife, Regina, try so hard to make life better for the people who live in the villages.

We finally reached our destination and made a mad dash from the car into the room and a half, wooden farmhouse. Much to our dismay we found Jurgita laying on her little cot, her leg swathed in bandages. Her grandmother just brought her home from the hospital the day before -- a vein had broken in her leg. Her grandmother tried and tried to stop the bleeding but she just couldn’t. A neighbor was summoned, and Jurgita was taken to the hospital where she remained for two weeks.

Imagine her terror. You see, Jurgita has the mind of a five-year-old child. The trauma of all the blood and staying in a strange place without her beloved grandmother frightened her to the point of hysteria. Her grandmother spent as many hours with her as she could, but there was a cow that to be milked twice a day, pigs and chickens had to be fed, and the farm had to be tended. The elderly woman was sick with worry over this granddaughter she loves so much. Neither has anyone else in this world.

But Jurgita is a real sweetheart and some things just don’t change -- she has a real sweet tooth. Unfortunately, in our haste to beat the weather and leave Vilnius at early hour, neither Jonas nor I remembered Jurgita’s love of sweets. We saw the disappointment in her eyes when she asked for candy and we didn’t have any. Now what do we do? These farms are in the middle of nowhere and one does not simply drive to the nearest convenience store. We momentarily stood there looking at each other, when Jonas remembered a half bottle of soda in the car. He dashed out of the house through the downpour and returned with the prized bottle. Let me tell you that it was well worth it. Jurgita was beside herself with joy. Soda is a luxury. So this was like Christmas in July.

The house was spotless, although there were no modern conveniences. I did notice a small black and white television set that was not there on my last visit. Before I could mention it, Jurgita’s grandmother began to thank Jonas over and over for the wonderful present. Did he know how quickly the long winter nights passed, now that they had a television? Did he know how she and Jurgita sat together at night and enjoyed the new set? I wasn’t the least bit surprised when I learned that Jonas, after hearing that they had no radio or television on our last visit, bought them a small set with his own money.

I could see how embarrassed he was getting, so at that point, I handed the grandmother the additional money from her sponsor. She turned her head and I could see the tears streaming down her face. This man and his wife are strangers to her and Jurgita and yet they always remember them. She asked me to tell the sponsors that the only gifts she and Jurgita could give their sponsors were their prayers and their love. Who could ask for more?

She started scurrying around and setting the table. We said we couldn’t eat a bite, but one thing you learn quickly is never to argue with a Lithuanian grandmother when it comes to food. Jurgita insisted on joining us at the table. She hobbled on one leg as Jonas and I each supported her. Through all this fuss she never let go of her bottle of soda. In a few minutes the table was set and a plate of bacon, from their own pig, appeared along with their homegrown tomatoes and cucumbers. This was topped off by juice, boiled down from the berries they picked. We were hungrier than we realized.

I could see how much the grandmother aged in the two years since my last visit. Now she had not only the strain of caring for Jurgita, but also all the farm chores to do on her own. As we took our leave, Jurgita’s grandmother once again asked me to pray for them. She still needs more time on earth to care for her beloved granddaughter and, maybe with enough prayers, she will be given the gift of time.

On the other hand, from our first meeting, Jurgita K. and I corresponded by letter. She was thrilled when I printed one of her essays in Bridges; I was thrilled because it was so well received by the readers. I celebrated with her via letter when she wrote me that she led her debate team to first place and they received a trip to Paris as a gift from the French government. Incidentally, the debates were all held in French! She sent me pictures and postcards from this trip of a lifetime.

I was honored when she asked me for a letter of recommendation to Vilnius University. I worried when she wrote how difficult it was for her grandmother to make ends meet. And we counted the days until we would meet in person. Since she also does not have a phone, I wrote her of my arrival date and my cousin’s phone number in Kaunas. I barely put my suitcases down when the phone rang and I heard Jurgita’s voice. Because my schedule was so tight, we planned that she and her grandmother would meet me at a friend’s house in Prienai the following Sunday. My friend is the principal of a village school in the area and his wife is a special education teacher. They are among the most caring people I have ever met. Whenever there was a lapse in letters from Jurgita, they would go to her school and check that all was well.

The big day arrived and Jurgita and her grandmother made the hour and a half bus trip from their farm. While they were riding the bus, I was visiting my great aunt who is in her nineties and bedridden. My friends picked up Jurgita and her grandmother from the bus station and then came for me. There are times I get very embarrassed when I am in Lithuania because so many people go out of their way for me and this was one of those times. As I approached the car, Jurgita jumped out from the back seat, threw her arms around me, and the two of us stood in the middle of the sidewalk crying like there would be no tomorrow. But of course, there will be a tomorrow for her, and God willing it will be a great one.

We headed for the house with everyone talking at the same time. As we arrived, our hostess met us in the driveway and immediately put Jurgita and her grandmother at ease. The table was beautifully set and out of nowhere appeared a sumptuous meal. But Jurgita and her grandmother were perfect Lithuanian guests; they opened their shopping bag and produced bacon from their pig, honey from their bees, and vegetables from their farm for their hostess. For me there was a lovely tablecloth and I will always treasure it.

Because it was Jurgita’s graduation from high school and she would be starting Vilnius University, I wanted her to have something special. I bought her a watch. Needless to say, she was thrilled. I also gave her an envelope from her sponsor, which brought a huge smile to her face. This gift would help her live in Vilnius for the coming school year.

When I asked her why there were such long gaps between her letters last year, she grew quiet. Then she said she didn’t want to worry me with her problems. I explained to her that worrying is what I do best. Apparently she worried so much about her grandmother, the farm, and school that she ended up in the hospital very near to a nervous breakdown. Her grandmother, who is in her seventies, was on top of the hay wagon when something scared the horse. He bolted, and she fell to the ground seriously injuring her back. But thank goodness, she made a full recovery, although she is often in pain.

But grandmother did not want to talk about her ailments. She was so excited about being a guest and having someone wait on her and foot. With her delightful chuckle, she was trying to remember if that had ever happened to her before, but she didn’t think so. She said she heard of people who took vacations although she never had one. Was it possible that visiting such a nice house and having people serve you was the same as a vacation? Yes, grandmother just experienced her first vacation, albeit a short one.

Both Jurgita and her grandmother expressed their gratitude to Jurgita’s sponsor not only for his financial support but also for his words of encouragement. Soon our wonderful day came to an end, and more tears were shed. I would not be seeing Grandmother and Jurgita for two more years, although I would speak to Jurgita several more times on the phone. This in itself was a real feat with Jurgita not having a phone and me traveling all over Lithuania. But she did manage to find me, and her enthusiasm always made my day. After some more hugs, they were back on the bus for their return trip home.

Two Jurgitas, so much the same but so very different. Although they are in the same small country, they are world’s apart; each special in her own way.

I want to thank both grandmothers for the loving care they give to their beautiful granddaughters, both sponsors who have gone beyond the call of duty, and the people in Lithuania who make my journeys so much easier. Special thanks to Jonas Svoba for driving me so far in terrible weather and having a bottle of soda with him, as well as Virginija and Jonas Kirkliauskai for giving Grandmother her first vacation and practically turning their house into a hotel to accommodate me.

So many children are still waiting for sponsors and so many families need your help. Although we do our best and ask the families to personally write to their sponsors, we cannot guarantee this will happen. For a guarantee, we would have to hire people in Lithuania to sit with the families and write letters with them. To do this, we would have to withhold money from the families and we will not do this.

The economic situation in Lithuania is not good, many people are without jobs. These are not lazy people or alcoholics; there are just no jobs available. Please open your hearts to these children; let them know that someone cares.

The cost to sponsor a child for a year is $150 but ANY donation is gratefully appreciated.

Several of our groups in Lithuania would like to give small Christmas gifts to children who will not receive any other gifts. These gifts consist of items such as a coloring book, crayons, and maybe, just maybe, if they are lucky, a chocolate bar! These packages can usually be put together by the volunteers in Lithuania for about $1 a child. If you cannot sponsor a child, perhaps you can provide a donation for a few Christmas gifts.

Thank you, readers, for allowing me to share my memories with you.

Please send your tax deductible checks to:
Lithuanian Orphan Care
2711 W. 71st St.
Chicago,IL. 60629